A Very Merry Unbirthday!

My dearest incurable humanist,

Alice in Wonderland has always been the Disney movie I love the most. I know some kids found it terrifying, but I was fascinated by Wonderland’s magic. My favorite scene was the Mad Hatter’s tea party and the chaos in A Very Merry Unbirthday. As I once told you in a previous newsletter, as a child, I’d spend hours at Alice’s Teacup in Manhattan. I read every version of the books, from Carroll’s original to contemporary retellings, and I once even got to be Alice in a school play. My love for Wonderland never faded, but my joie de vivre did. Losing my father was a big part of that.

On the first anniversary of his death, I happened to be in the Bahamas for my husband’s best friend’s wedding. There, the universe did its thing, and I met Fiorella Agostino. She had also recently and unexpectedly lost her father to COVID, and was going through her own grief. We had the most wonderful conversations about grief, migration, books, and life.

Fiorella was always a birthday enthusiast. But on that first birthday without her father, she couldn’t bring herself to be cheerful. As grief does, it dulled everything she once loved. Yet somehow, in that dimness, something lit up. She began to ask herself how to reclaim that spark, and out of that question came her book, How to Live Every Day Like It’s Your Birthday (published last August).

Like the Mad Hatter, only more realistically, Fiorella invites us to live every day like it’s our birthday. A week before it came out, we met for lunch in New York. When I opened the book and read its dedication, “para papi” (to dad), my eyes filled with clouds. I already knew this would be special. I found it endearing how she told me that when she explained the book to her young niece, she shrugged and said, “Well, duh.” She already lives surrounded by balloons to make every day feel like her birthday.

By doing small, intentional things that bring us back to ourselves, we reset and reconnect. Things as simple as buying a beautiful notebook, unfollowing accounts that drain you, drawing a bubble bath, getting a manicure, choosing a theme song, or cooking a special meal. You are supposed to read a portion each day, but trust me, you won’t be able to put it down. There are 364 prompts (one for every unbirthday) because the 365th belongs to your actual birthday.

I’m honored to call Fiorella a friend. I admire her resilience and am inspired by how she transformed grief into a daily, doable practice of joy.

If you’re feeling low today, no need to go down the rabbit hole of sadness. On this Tuesday, which also happens to be 11/11, what are you waiting for? Go buy yourself a slice of cake, or something to celebrate!

A very merry unbirthday!

Until next week.

PS - The holidays are just around the corner, so if you’re wondering what to get for a friend - THIS IS IT! Here’s the link :)