Why the Lindsay Clancy Trial Has So Many Women Asking: Could the System Fail Me Too?

My dearest incurable humanist,

As you probably have been too, I’ve been closely following the Lindsay Clancy trial these past few weeks. I know it’s not healthy to keep watching, and I want to stop, but I haven’t been able to. Our brains will deny it to protect us… “No, there’s no way I could ever do that. That could never happen to me.” But the truth is… how are you so certain under those circumstances? If anything, the trial has shown that even specialized doctors haven’t reached consensus on what postpartum psychosis actually looks like.

I’ve felt hesitant to write this. I’m not a doctor or mental health professional, I’m not a mother yet, and overall, I’ve been healthy. So I’m not entirely sure how much agency I have to write this beyond my own opinion; the same as everyone else on the internet who seems to have one too. Take it with a grain of salt, and agree or disagree as you like.

This is a horrific and extreme case. But, what woman hasn’t had some experience with the medical system that left her feeling dismissed, uncomfortable, blamed, or afraid? That is part of why this case feels so triggering, even for those of us who are not mothers. In one way or another, we have all had moments when we were vulnerable and had to place an enormous amount of trust in someone who was supposed to help us.

The first time I had a Pap smear, the ob/gyn was extremely rough with me. The pain was so excruciating that I ended up fainting as I was leaving her office. I have been asked uncomfortable and inappropriate questions by doctors, and have had strange encounters with mental health professionals, too. When my first boyfriend and I broke up, I was devastated. They say the first cut is the deepest - I don’t know if that is actually true, but it certainly felt that way at the time. So I went to see a psychologist. At one point, she wanted to do a tarot reading and started saying some very strange things. Look, if you want to get a tarot reading, great. But that was not the kind of help I was looking for from a mental health professional. Years later, when my father died, I was spiraling and deeply depressed. I’d been in therapy for almost ten years, but my therapist couldn’t do anything; she was in Venezuela, and this wasn’t her jurisdiction since I was in Mexico City. I went to a psychiatrist a friend referred me to, who prescribed three very strong antidepressants. Something about it felt off to me. I got a second opinion, then a third, and both doctors agreed the combination was far too aggressive, especially given the circumstances, and that I shouldn’t be taking all three together. I didn’t end up taking anything. I was lucky this didn’t develop into something more serious. I know my experience is nowhere near unique, especially watching this case and how women are speaking up about their own experiences. It unveils how similar all stories are when you take the identifying details out of each.

The Clancy trial is legally about whether Lindsay Clancy was criminally responsible at the moment she killed her children. The defense has argued that she was experiencing postpartum psychosis; while the prosecution has argued that she was depressed and anxious but not psychotic, and that she remained able to understand and control what she was doing.

I don’t want to get into TikTok conspiracy theories, or debates about whether the husband should’ve done more, or what she could’ve done differently. How devastating it must be to have your life reduced to excerpts of texts, google searches, and unmemorable conversations for strangers to interpret, after already going through the worst during these past three years. I’m interested in what this case can teach us about our system, and how even when you might know in your gut that you are not well, it’s ultimately someone else’s call to determine whether what you have is ‘real’ or not. The scariest part is that from what we’ve seen in this trial, sometimes these so called ‘experts’ are clueless, uninterested or overworked so don’t have time to study the case as needed.

It’s hard to repeatedly watch how much women need to prove their pain before it is acknowledged. This year published her memoir Famesick, where she narrates her battle with mental health, addiction, endometriosis, fibromyalgia, surgeries, heartbreak and more. Even though her journey has no direct correlation with Clancy’s, they both had money and access to doctors, a privilege many don’t have. And even so, it was an uphill battle. Then, what is it like to the vast majority without these prerogatives?

Even though this week we will hear closing statements and possibly reach a verdict, the truth is this case is too gruesome to fathom. All lives affected have been completely shattered, nothing will cure their grief. But, what will we learn from this? How many mothers are struggling right now, and are being dismissed? How will we better protect women’s health to prevent tragedies like this in the future?

Until next week.